“It was just sex“. You can repeat this phrase as often as you wish, but it will never be true. Because – let’s get real! – sex is never “just sex“, in the same way as an earthquake is never “just an earthquake“. There’s a whole lot of implications involved in the act of having sex. If it was just for the quick relief, you wouldn’t care about finding a helping hand but rather trust in self-service. And when you think about it, what does it actually mean to have “just sex“? That it’s nothing but the old in-and-out-game, in which you participate, yet remain completely unmoved, detached and apathetic and post-coitus it’s just as if nothing had ever happened? Yeah…. right.
I’m not a big Bible reader, and I don’t believe in no-sex-before-marriage, but I am certain that sex always has an effect on you, if you want it or not. And not only on women, but on men as well. In that sense, I’d frame sex as something special – it can never be be as casual as a Friday.
Now I know that in our hookup-celebrating culture, this opinion is mighty unpopular. Because – hey! – the cool kids are those who take things easy. Nothing really gets to you, you’re cool about anything and everything. Chillax to the extreme. You met someone you might actually like, but until it gets “serious“ (whatever that means), it’s totally acceptable to have “just sex“ with anyone else who crosses your path. I also learned that you can have “just sex“ with someone on a regular basis for an entire year or even more. And of course you can have more “just-sex“-partners at the same time. But “just sex“ is not only possible if you are officially single. It’s trending to have an open relationship, because if it’s “just sex“ – it really doesn’t matter if your better half sleeps around. If that strikes you as somewhat odd – welcome to my reality!
And before you tag me as the party killer who swings her index finger, let me tell you that I tried out the “just-sex“-game myself. A couple of years ago I matched a guy on Tinder: 21, sports student, instant chemistry. Due to the age difference (I’m not Heidi Klum you see…) we agreed upon having “just sex“. Unfortunately, I became infatuated after the third or fourth time we met. So we broke it off. #coolkids didn’t work for me…

Now that we’ve got that off the table, here’s my list of why sex can never be “just sex“:

• It comes with emotions. No one stays completely numb while having sex. Good sex is just that: emotional. There’s desire, passion, and (at least a certain amount of) affection. If someone leaves you cold, you would never get hot and horny in the first place. And even though you might not let your emotions get to you or you might rationalize them afterwards, they are there. 
• It’s bonding. During sex, a firework of hormones is released, among them oxytocin and dopamine. Dopamine makes you crave for more sex, and oxytocin makes you trust, get emotionally attached and feel connected. Biology is not a big fan of “just sex“ it seems. 
• There’s intimacy. You connect physically with another person whilst being (usually) completely naked. How much more vulnerable can you be? The other person gets to see and experience a very private side of you that the general public doesn’t know. And in order to orgasm, you have to completely let go, which makes it pretty intimate as well when you think about it. 
• You exchange energy. Whenever you have sex with someone, you create energy cords with that person, which means that part of their energy becomes yours. And you keep their vibes in your energy system longer than you would imagine. 
• There’s a risk of STDs. I feel this point is taken lightly by more and more people, but the thing is, STDs don’t have anything to do with clean fingernails and a good perfume. To simply “trust“ someone in this context is a bit like believing the earth is flat. Because – how many people in actual fact know about their health status? There’s about 30 different STDs out there. And while you can cure some of them easily, others might stay with you as a souvenir of your “just sex“ trip. Fun!
• Sex has an impact. You will see someone differently after you had sex with them. The wallflower might turn out to have suppressed anger issues which she lets out during sex and the seeming Adonis might come after only three seconds. It’s a bit like looking behind the scenes. And you can’t deny having been there. On a more dramatic level, it can damage someone’s trust, destroy relationships or change your life in one way or the other – even if it was “just sex“.

YOLO or not YOLO, that is the question. Hmm. I believe there’s very few things in life that have no meaning at all. More often than not, we declare something as insignificant because we are unaware of or in denial about the true meaning behind it. Or the true motivations. I guess the one thing that all “just-sex“- encounters have in common, is that they are selfishly motivated in that the other person is objectified as a tool to satisfy your deeper needs. Superficially, it’s all about the sex, no doubt. But on a deeper level, don’t you opt for “just sex“ in order to feel less empty, less lonely, get validation as a man/woman, quench your neediness, get affection, feel desired, get that ego-boost, feel accepted or get close to someone? It’s all about you. But it’s not. Sex is an intimate interplay between (at least) two people, and as such, there’s more to it than “just sex“. Always.