Ok here’s a question: What do Heidi Klum, J-Lo and I have in common? Hmmm. If you think the answer is “a great ass“, you’re quite close, my friends. But what I really had in mind is: A preference for younger men. “Well, that’s nothing special“, I hear you say – as an enlightened human being – but if you think twice, you will have to agree with me that even in 2018 there still is a social stigma around the idea of an “older“ woman dating a younger man. And it’s a double standard I wish we can get rid of sooner than later. 

Because here’s the thing: The middle-aged man gets patted on his shoulder when he’s dating a hot 20-year-old chica. He is THE man. The young woman is like a substitute for the Ferrari he’s not able to afford for himself (or maybe he is…) and he flaunts her with pride at any possible occasion. Now same scenario, genders reversed, and the public reaction oscillates between pity for the “desperate“ aging woman and rebukes for her being so reckless. “He could be her son, for Christ’s sake!“ *eye-roll* Maybe. But chances are he isn’t, which makes considerations like these utterly absurd. I mean, I could be a Nigerian if I was born in Nigeria, you know what I mean? It’s that line of thought. The fact is, the liaison is just as legitimate as any other among two consenting adults. Still, the woman dating a younger man finds herself in a constant demand for justification. If all the public frowning doesn’t succeed in making her feel ashamed and inferior, the young man gets labeled as her “toyboy“, thus denoting that he’s only a temporary fling, and she’s having a “phase“ which hopefully will be over soon, so that we can all sigh in relief and the world order is re-established. Amen. Again, have you ever heard the term “toy girl“ being used in the context of a man in his 40s dating a woman in her 20s? I seriously haven’t. #doublestandard 

The most famous “toyboy“ in the international arena must be the French President Emmanuel Macron. As you all know, he married his former teacher, Brigitte Macron, who is 25 years his senior. When they first met, he was at the height of puberty, while she was already a mature woman. Apparently the teacher’s eldest daughter was even in the same class as Emmanuel. (How do you spell awkward? Dang!) But yeah, in France this teacher-pupil-relationship was much less of a story than it would have been (and was) in, I guess, the rest of the world. Emmanuel (I decided I like calling him by his first name) was quite right in seeing the criticism his marriage received rooted in sexism. He said, “If I was 20 years older than my wife, nobody would think for a single second that we couldn’t be legitimately together.“ Statement confirmed: Donald Trump is 24 years older than Melania. And I guess we worry about other things than his age…

Now why are we so comfortable seeing older men with younger women, while older women with younger men irritate the shit out of us? Good question, right? In its last week’s edition (Aug 18th 2018), the Economist published a chart which you probably have to look at longer than 30 seconds to take in its full emotional impact: 

According to this desirability ranking, women are considered most desirable at age 20. And it goes aaaall the way down from there until their desirability hits a plateau at age 60. In contrast, men are less desirable when they’re 20, but their desirability grows steadily until the age of 50 and only declines slowly afterwards. So while the women’s graph resembles a black piste, that of the men looks like the ever-green hill with the great view. I took a ruler to find out who I’m on par with atm and am very glad that it’s men in their early 20s lol. In all seriousness, though, this chart is depressing. I mean how can the average 60-year-old-man be more desirable than the average 30-year-old woman (no offense…)? Also, what is it that constitutes “desirability“? My first guess is that women’s desirability level has a lot to do with their fertility, while that of men is directly proportional to the size of their wallet. In other words, Eve should be a breeding machine and Adam is supposed to be the breadwinner who brings in the big cash. “Not so progressive“ is, hands down, the most accurate caption for this diagram. Now I get it – part of this thing is biologically steered, and no matter how firmly you feel settled in the 21st century, parts of your brain are still inscribed with hieroglyphics of the Stone Age. That’s just the way it is. But I’m dead sure that an equal component of it is socially constructed, and here I’m referring to the desirability ranking “by race“ to underline my point. (hint: It’s definitely not due to biology that Asian women are favored over Black women…)

I asked a couple of younger guys what the appeal of an “older“ woman is for them, and the answers were all very similar. “I like a woman who knows what she wants“ was by far the most frequently stated response. Self-confidence definitely is a booster. And so is experience. There are no doubt some valid points which make the match of a younger man and an older woman worthwhile. Sexually speaking, men hit their peak at 18, while women don’t reach their prime until their mid-30s. So if we had to draw a diagram, it would probably look a lot like the one above, only that this time the black run is skied down by the men… In other words: Younger guys and older women are just much more on the same agenda here. 

Another point is life expectancy. Throughout the world, women live longer than men. In Austria, for instance, the current gap is exactly 5,5 years. So if you’re a woman and you’re together with someone who is, say, 10 years older than you, chances are, you will have quite a long time by yourself towards the evening of your life. But ok, this is all very mathematical, and what are numbers anyway? Haha. 

Finally, my non-binding recommendation for all you single people out there is to be eccentric and date whoever the fuck you like. Pay attention to inherited social conventions and your Stone Age hieroglyphics, but scribble over both of them if you feel you’re ready for it.