34. I have officially reached an age, where the candles on the cake weigh almost as much as the cake itself and it’s become quite a challenge to blow them all out in one breath. So what? The solution could be grey hair. Or bigger cakes. And wtf – just breathe again! Or let the candles burn down on their own. Until all the melted wax is covering the cake. Have some fun for a change! Granted, growing older is not all fun and games. But like everything in life – it’s what you make of it. Here’s my list of things I have learned so far:
1) Gravity is not just a concept.
In my 20s, I could go weeks (!) without doing sports and still, everything was toned and sexy. Now in my 30s, I need to put in A LOT more effort if I want to look the same way.
2) #experience.
You bring way more to the table than just good looks. The magic word is experience. Hot damn!
3) Everyone is expecting.
Pregnancy news come more often than your period. By the time the magical 30 was in the air, childbearing started to become the ongoing trend. (And as much as I love kids, I gotta say, I’m quite happy that I still have some childless friends. #peerpressure)
4) MILF-porns have a societal value.
I’m so glad MILF-porns became popular before I hit my 30s. No longer are women in this age group considered geriatric. The truth is, the age range of interested parties is gigantic!
5) What goes around comes around.
It’s no lie. Keep collecting those karma points.
6) There’s really nothing you CAN’T do.
Seriously. You need noone’s permission. Everything that separates you from your goals is your fears. Overcome them and the world is your oyster.
7) It’s much easier to be “special” in your 30s than it was in your 20s.
Let’s face it: The 20s are the time of experimentation for most people. Everyone’s figuring out who they are, and you can legitimately be young, wild and free. If you keep that “wild and free” -attitude in your 30s and don’t bow to social conventions, chances are you stand out from the crowd.
8) The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best is NOW.
I spent so much of my precious lifetime doing regrets (and I deliberately use the word doing here – because it was such an active pursuit), until I finally realized: It’s complete BS! You can do anything you want, as long you’ve not exhaled your last breath. (Then it really might be too late…) So, plant that f. tree you’ve always wanted to see grow! (I feel a bit like Tony Robbins right now.)
9) Relationships aren’t getting any easier.
I remember, when I was a teen, I could fall in love with someone on the mere basis of his good looks. Throughout the years, the requirements specification for a potential partner has become much more complex. And so have the potential partners. Everyone’s had their share of disappointments, break-up grievances and disillusions, which brings about a certain amount of discomforting caution when you enter a new relationship. The clean slate is just not that clean anymore.
10) Wrinkles look better on other people.
I never had a problem with wrinkles. Well…When they were on other people’s faces… I actually used to say that I like wrinkles because they mirror the person’s character. Now that the area around my own eyes as well as my forehead are visibly gaining in character, I find myself a little less approving for that matter.
11) Self-confidence is the accessory of choice.
Especially if you’re not wearing that ring. Weddings are aplenty, and as a woman in her 30s, you feel a certain pressure to follow suit. – Worst of all if you are single. Relatives are more interested than ever to find out about your relationship status, friends try to set you up with somebody they consider worthy of you and you will reap pitying looks if you attend weddings alone. Being single by choice and not by accident is a concept that’s extraterrestrial for a great many people, even more so if you’ve reached a certain age.
12) Your childhood issues occupy your adulthood until you gain control over them.
If your relationships always fail at the same point or show similar (dysfunctional) dynamics, it’s YOU and not them. This is where the analysis starts. You need to go back all the way to your childhood to figure out where the shit comes from. Once you have discovered the origins of your behavioral lapses, you need to hug, nurture and heal your inner child. Only then will you be able to maintain a healthy relationship.
13) You can’t change anyone.
People don’t change. At least not on the basis of your wish. They might bend over backwards to please you, but this is never a permanent state. They only change when and if they want to, and even then you shouldn’t expect wonders or 180s. So there’s only two things you can do: Wear that tolerance glove or step away. Hmpf.
14) Perfectionism is a trap.
I have been a perfectionist since I started to think. It’s exhausting! Not only for you, but also for your environment. Because – hello!- nothing and noone’s ever going to be perfect. (#realityisabitch) There will always be flaws or potential for improvement and you will constantly end up being disappointed or frustrated. So I came to realize that even though there’s nothing wrong with giving your best in everything you do, “good enough” is actually good enough.
15) Being judgmental is an act of insecurity.
Judgements are nothing but labels. And the sole reason why someone needs to judge someone else, is to create hierarchy. You place someone higher or lower than yourself. Both is fatal. It’s pretty hard not to judge, because we live in a judgmental (read: fearful) society. But the moment you break down your hierarchical thinking structure and embrace your own insecurity, judgementalism will give way to empathy. Both for yourself and for others.
16) Caffeine is a drug.
I have never understood how people could NOT break a terrible sweat from drinking coffee. And we are talking dripping (!) armpits… Then why drink it? Well, coffee gets me totally pumped up, and I have been a caffeine junkie since my early youth. I’ve had stomach problems, sleeping disorders, iron deficiency, inner unrest, nervousness… (just to name a few…) – and even though I always suspected coffee to play a role in that, I couldn’t get rid of it. At the moment, I’m down to 1 coffee in the morning. Give me one more year and I’ll call myself a tea drinker!
17) Time is precious.
A year passes faster than you can say “I am old.” Your (life)time is a scarce, depletable resource, and one of the worst things you can do is waste your time in a job that sucks. No matter how much money you make or how “good it looks on your CV”.
18) Your tongue never lies.
This statement can certainly be applied to various contexts. Let’s talk about the medical one: The tongue reflects the condition of your organs. If your tongue shows red patches or is heavily coated, something’s out of balance in your organism. To illustrate this: When I had a chronic gastritis, my tongue looked like a pizza. Pizza….yummy.
19) 30 is not the new 20.
It just isn’t. And why should it be? Why should a 30-year-old emulate a 20-year old? These days are over. And it’s ok. Every age has its advantages.
20) Be an initiator rather than an imitator.
I have always wondered how many people blindly follow fashion trends, no matter how hideous or useless some of them are. And while I understand the innate wish to belong to a certain (“in”-)group, I do not get why this entails sacrificing one’s individuality and creative sense of self-expression.
21) Never underestimate the power of systems.
Each of us is part of so many different systems. And we are influenced consciously or unconsciously by the interdependency ruling within them. Understanding the systems dynamics is crucial for any change to happen. And it’s pretty powerful: If you change, it will have an immediate effect on the system.
22) Let’s cast a light on shame.
Shame is the most neglected feeling of all. Noone ever talks about it (except Brené Brown). It’s a very unpleasant feeling that everyone harbors inside of them to one degree or another. And it’s at the core of many problems and hang-ups. I really think it would do us good to be much more open about it, both in discourse and in exhibition.
23) The grass is not greener on the other side.
There is NOONE in this f. world who has it all. In my experience, the more something glitters, the less it is gold.
24) The law of attraction works.
It’s a simple rule: If you can envision it, you can have it. If it doesn’t work, inner resistance mechanisms are at play or you aren’t clear enough on the desired outcome. It sounds a little bit mumbo-jumbo, especially if you’re new to the topic, but I’m absolutely certain about this one. (You may want to read “The Writings of Florence Scovel Shinn”.)
25) The news is toxic.
I stopped watching or reading the news a couple of years ago. And I can tell you – it directly correlates with a higher level of satisfaction in my life. The constant intake of bad news (because that’s what it is – it’s a series of bad news, selectively presented and usually full of half-truths) messes with your brain. Trust me, watching the news doesn’t make you a better citizen. And it doesn’t make you smarter, either. It keeps you small. And manipulated.
26) Letting go is the hardest thing in the world.
I’ve never been good at letting go, especially of people I love. I still don’t know how that works…
27) Foot massages are the best.
I could literally get them every day. Twice.
28) It’s all about the right balance, dudes.
This sounds like a platitude, but it is incredibly powerful. I’ve only recently understood the importance of finding my equilibrium on the continuum of “being vs. seeking”. Like most of my Gen Y brothers and sisters, I have always been the seeker-type, chasing dopamine in a circle. Now it’s time to give oxytocin a chance and strike the right balance.
29) Real connection beats the virtual one any day of the week.
Everybody is connected. In the virtual world. And yet, paradoxically, more people than ever feel lonely. It’s an epidemic. The thing is: Real connection requires patience and effort. And in a time where instant gratification screams Hallelujah, who can be bothered? But it’s exactly these genuine real world encounters that create the truly memorable moments. And the hugs just feel so much warmer.
30) People are mirrors.
What you experience on the outside is a mirror reflection of what’s going on inside of you. That’s why every change has to start from the inside out in order to be sustainable.
So that was my short list of wisdom. I hope you can relate to some of the points here and keep collecting your own. Growing older really isn’t that bad. What you lose in looks, you’ll gain in wits 😉 Stay optimistic!
– Conny –